Posted on Airliners.net. Hilarious
Use barf bags with caution. Years ago myself and 2 friends embarked on a cross country journey to the big city in a rented Cessna 172. About an hour and a half into our return trip back home our back seat passenger informs us he has to take a wicked piss and just can’t hold it anymore.
We begin to discuss our options, we’re only about 30 minutes from destination and already running late so we don’t really want to make an unscheduled pit stop. In an ironic twist of fate we just happened to be flying in the vicinity of Niagara Falls at the time which probably didn’t help with our friends state of mind. Things rapidly deteriorate and our backseater is now almost to the point of tears in what appeared to be an extreme state of discomfort, he had to go NOW.
With no other apparent options I pass him back a barf bag and tell him to use that. Now up to that flight it was always part of our pre-flight procedures to make sure there were barf bags onboard, however I never actually looked at them to make sure they were in a satisfactory condition, and as we were about to learn, the one I passed back had been ripped and had a few small holes in the bottom of it.
Now with the aroma of stinky pee filling the cabin, that stuff really stinks in such a small confined space, our hapless passenger begins to inform us in no uncertain terms (the “F” word repeated multiple times) that this now half full bag of stinky pee has sprouted a leak of it’s own. In the ensuing panic we surmise the best course of action would be to immediately discharge the offending bag from the aircraft ASAP.
I pull the throttle back to slow down and crack open the door. Leaning forward our hapless passenger begins to try and rapidly egress the bag through the partially open door, when we learn another of life’s cruel lessons, the structural integrity of a half full barf bag of pee is no match for the 110 mile per hour wind stream. As soon as the leaky bag begins to poke out and make contact with the outside airflow it promptly explodes into a fireball of warm yellow urine, with most of the blowback being sprayed directly into the face of our now very hapless passenger.
In the ensuing hysterical laughter it’s all I can do to maintain straight and level flight. As I look back to survey the damage I observe that the now empty bag had managed to exit the aircraft after all where it had now become lodged on the horizontal stabilizer. I carry a few extra knots on the approach not knowing the full aerodynamic effect on performance caused by a barf bag stuck on the stab, probably nothing but safety first.
We got a few looks as we taxied into the flying club with a long yellow streak down the side of the fuselage and a barf bag stuck on the tail. Confirming the condition of all onboard barf bags, and making sure all passengers have gone to the washroom before departure, is now part of my pre-flight checklist.
Thank you “JetCaptain” for a good laugh!