From Wired News

If the courts decide that strapping some three-time loser to a gurney and pumping a lethal cocktail into his veins is, indeed, a violation of the Eighth, then there’s going to be some serious scrambling to find yet another “humane” way to kill someone.

They won’t find one. As sentient beings we want to live, and we fight for life with the last breath in our bodies. Dylan Thomas was merely stating the obvious when he urged us, “Do not go gentle into that good night…. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.” Short of croaking in your sleep or while heavily sedated, few people go gently. (Incidentally, Thomas drank himself to death, so maybe the Department of Corrections should consider installing taverns on death row.)

There seems to be no way to end someone’s life deliberately and prematurely without pain or discomfort. So if the courts strike down lethal injection, where does that leave us? With the rope, the gun, the chair or the gas.

And then he fillets all of those one by one, plus some nice medieval additions like drawing and quartering and the guillotine. I won’t quote as you need to be a bit into it to appreciate.

So that’s not for me, either. I don’t want to spend the last 30 seconds of my earthly existence being aware that I’m 5-foot-1 instead of 5-foot-9, you know?

Actually, none of these methods, old or new, are very appealing.

We seem to be all out of options here. Well, there is another possibility, one so obvious that I almost hesitate to suggest it. Maybe the United States should rejoin civilization and just abolish capital punishment altogether.

Mildly related: In Iran, two illegal Afghan immigrants were publicly hanged yesterday for the raping of a woman from my country.